Thoughts at Thirty Six

 Coming home to this blog is a tradition on my birthday.I return to these pages and gather the wisdom hidden in ordinary days.I am in a quiet retreat in the mountains of Tennessee with my little family and while my boys are sleeping soundly here I am reflecting on the lessons life taught me as I write this with gratitude..for the beautiful, the messy, and everything in between. 

Sharing a dozen of thoughts and lessons Ive read somewhere that resonated with me or learned through experience and scribbled them down on my journal.

1.The older I get, the more I appreciate boring days. Stability is underrated and surprisingly luxurious.Slow days let you sit with your thoughts and reflect on bigger ideas.

2. In your 20s,when you say you dont care what people think about you,you still do.But in your late 30s,you’ll realize,that it reflects more on them than it does in you.

3.What we give doesn’t always return,but what we give is always what we are.

4.The little things were never little things.

 A thoughtful message,a shared inside joke,a good laugh after a long day.

5.Sometimes you have to be a little rude to make people understand that you don’t tolerate nonsense.Boundaries are kindness to yourself.

6.Never underestimate the power of being a good person for no reason.Be kind when it’s easier to be cold.Be someone who is easy to talk and vent to.Shine naturally that other people remember how to shine too.

7.  Growth is often invisible until you look back.You can be proud of yourself without needing applause.

8.  Life rarely goes according to plan 

and that’s okay.Like happiness comes and goes.

9. Real friendships feel easy.In the end,I keep a few of genuine and thoughtful ones!The ones who makes me a better person just by having them in my life.Having friendships like that is life’s underrated treasure!

10.  People will show you their success but not the decades it took them to build it!Grind and grow in silence.

11. I always tell this to myself: Force yourself to read a book,grab a pen and write,in this AI era,those skills slip away with age.

12.Death will come in an ordinary day,in the middle of unfinished plans.Working too hard ain’t worth it,so live life!

Here’s to 36!Grace,growth and gratitude!

Thank you Lord God,life is groovy!

Lessons at 35: What This Year Taught Me About Life

Writing on my birthday has become a tradition.It is my way to pause, reflect, and gather the pieces of who I’ve become. This year, as I turned 35, just returned from a 

soul-filling vacation and finally had a moment to sit still.I realized how much life has been teaching me in ways I didn’t always notice in the moment. And so, with a full heart and a quiet mind, here are some of the soft truths, the hard-earned wisdoms, and the reminders I’ll carry forward. Here’s what 35 has shown me so far.

1.Silence is a superpower.

The smartest person in the room isn’t the loudest.I always carry that as a reminder.Most of the sensible people I looked up to are the silencers that exude calm and humility. I learned that I don’t always need to explain, defend, or prove. Sometimes, the most graceful thing I can do is say nothing at all.

2.Protecting my peace is a priority.

At 35, I’ve learned that peace is a powerful currency. It’s okay to walk away, say no, or disappoint others if it means preserving my mental and emotional health. I don’t owe everyone access to myself anymore. At this age,my peace is non-negotiable.

3.Time really is the most valuable thing you have.

I start measuring life less by productivity and more by presence.I now know when to stop hustling and spend quality time with family, savor a hot cup of coffee at 5am , or walk with Chase without checking my phone as the sun sets in the afternoon.The smallest pockets of time can be the richest. As Kuya Benny told me before dropping them at the airport yesterday,"Take the vacation.You never know  how much time you have left." And he was right. Yes,vacations can be expensive but money comes back.Time doesn't.I heard stories that humbled me. For those 8 years, working away, I lost loved ones I usually visit. And some were healthy,full of life and then suddenly got sick. It made me realize how fragile life is and how easily we can lose time,health or someone we love. I am blessed to be able to hug my 86-yr old grandma. A little deaf and memory-fading but still strong.And to see her travel and enjoy life is a kind of blessing I am thankful for.

4.You can start over at any age.

Turning 35 has taught me that it’s never too late to change your mind, heal, or dream again.That said,I just wrote new goals on my journal.Some of the big ones are: writing a  book,owning a farm or a resort and travel Europe.I still have a long list to check.

5.Friendships in your 30s are different: fewer, deeper, and more intentional.

I choose my friends more intentionally now. These are the friends who check in without needing a reason. I choose friends who feel like peace. I choose friends who are genuine.Some are lifelong friends,others are newer but feel like they’ve been there all along. What they all have in common is a shared sense of realness.

6.Setting boundaries isn’t selfish.

I always give people the benefit of the doubt.I still do,but I’ve stopped waiting for others to give me permission to draw the line.I give it to myself,firmly and without apology.It is not easy for me as it sounds like.I can be be the kindest person you meet but once you crossed that line,I can be the toughest one.One person at work taught me so.I don’t tolerate disrespect and bullshit anymore. Because setting boundaries is recognizing what you are worth and choosing not to shrink for anyone.

 7. Some of the best things in life are found in the ordinary.

The most meaningful moments aren’t always loud or grand. They’re the quiet ordinary mornings. The safe friendships. The stillness as you sip your coffee. Reading a good book.The sigh of relief when you realize you’ve made it through something you thought might break you.A kind word ,a warm hug,a deep laugh, or a deep breath after a long day. And I want more of these moving forward!

8.Letting go isn’t a weakness.

Healing something that hurts isn’t linear.It loops, dips, and circles back.This lesson came with a bruise but I carry it now with grace.I learned to let go of the stories that keep me stuck.Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It is remembering without rage.And  I’m choosing to move forward with a lighter heart.

9. Showing up for myself  daily is the kindest thing I can do.

As a mom, I’ve learned this the hard way: when you’re constantly giving, you can easily forget yourself.One lesson from a book stayed with me: “start your day before the world starts asking from you.” I began waking up at 5AM, to have 

me-time.A short cardio,slow coffee,few pages in a book and plan my day.It’s not easy, but I needed it.Before the world starts asking,the noise and the hustle,I give myself that first hour.Because when I care for myself first, I show up better. And I don’t feel as empty anymore.

10. Work feels different when it becomes something bigger than you.

Mark’s friend, Rafols , as we fondly call him, drove us from Baguio to Elyu. Beyond his regular job as a web developer, he wears many hats including being a guest speaker and mentor, generously sharing his time,skill and story to inspire people in his field.He said something that really inspired and stayed with me. “Afterall,it is not just about work. It’s about bringing something to the community. Being part of something bigger.” At 35,I realized that the most fulfilling kind of work doesn’t just make you money ,it makes meaning.This is something I will work on myself.I want to be a part of something bigger, someone who can inspire and mentor others.

These lessons have been my low-key teachers. 

Some still sting. Some broke me open. Some bring peace.Some came after nights I couldn’t sleep. But all of them remind me that we learn as we age.And I thank God for the process,the pruning and the strength He’s building in me.

Here’s to 35!

Proof that growth,grace and a little grit age beautifully!Maturing with flavor,depth and no apologies!

Life Musings at 34

It is twenty minutes past seven in the evening and I just woke up from a nap.Worn out after watching Inside Out 2 movie and feasting over a juicy cut of steak.Today,unlike my previous birthdays, is nothing but ordinary and mundane.Tumunganga habang nagkakape,nagbreakfast ng tuyo at corned beef kasama ni Mark at Chase,at hinayaan munang makalat ang bahay.As I wind down before my precious off in the middle of the week ends,I am writing this as a reflection on my birthday.Writing down my hard-earned wisdom and thoughts that I laughed about, made peace with and circled back to at thirty four.

Life looks different every decade as you get older.You now love the things you hated when you are younger.

Mark while watering the grass and plants one evening came to a realization that we are really getting older.The things we hated as kids,are the ones we love the most as adults.Then we start making the list as I watch him on the porch as he enjoys the peace of watering the grass.Here’s a list that sparks joy at 34:

1.Taking a nap in the middle of the day is a luxury.

2.Slow morning while sipping a hot cup of coffee before your day starts hits different.

3.A clean house and an empty laundry basket is a weekend highlight.

4.You sit outside just to sit outside.

5.The joy of keeping a plant alive for years.And…

6.The budget is right on and all bills are paid.

 

An apparent shift of priorities and different lens of perspective.Let’s see how this thought evolves for the next years.

As I grow older,the definition of a successful career changes over time.

I think my favorite author Fredrik Backman puts it best when he said,

“I’ve come to realize that when you are young and at the beginning of your career,you are mostly looking for direction and momentum.You want to go places.But as you get older,you start asking yourself: Where have I been?What’s it all for?Have I created something meaningful?Did I do a good enough job?Did I matter?”(still pondering on this)

This takes me back when I heard one of my coworkers said,

“She taught me once and that’s it.And she just let me do it on my own.”One can think that I am a bad mentor or a leader,perhaps.I am the kind that once I taught you the basics,I will let you fail and make mistakes.Because that’s how you truly learn.Not sure if I answered back or replied on my mind but answered back silence.Another thing about getting old is, you love silence over empty words.

On the other note,it is a blessing that I have an access to people smarter than me.To ask dumb questions to and allow me to make mistakes too.But at the same time,I learned that the most successful people aren’t the smartest in the room but the most adaptable.At the end of the day,I ask myself,have I created something meaningful?Am I serving my purpose while earning the dollars?

While we try to teach our children about life,our children teach us what life is all about.-Angela Schmidt

Chase is a chatterbox at four.He loves asking questions I don’t know how to answer, bottomless of energy to keep up with,and a different point of view to learn from.Sometimes,getting older rob us some joy.Now this reminds me of the most-talked line from Inside Out 2 movie we just watched today,

“Maybe this is what happens when you grow up,you feel less joy.” But being a mother of a wild child,save me from this for now,I believe.

• One night while fixing our bed before going to sleep,I accidentally blow over Chase’s cutouts so I said sorry.And the next thing he said blow my mind and melted my heart.

“It’s okay mommy.Everyone makes mistakes.” 

This is the day he taught me a lesson on forgiveness.And why I forgive petty mistakes.

• It breaks my heart when he asks me if Im going to work(again?).But one day I feel frustrated and answered,

“Yes Chase and I don’t want to go to work.”

And he answered,

“That’s okay mommy.You will come back home soon and we will play freeze dance with Bluey.”

That makes me look forward coming home after a helluva day at work.

•In walgreens,he saw a toy car but then he said,

“ I’m just looking mommy,Im saving up for Disney cruise.”

And today he said,

“Stop buying books mommy,we need to save up!”

Needless to say,our house is free from coins because his piggy bank is full.

 I love to say,my financial adviser is my four year old son!😆

Do things that make you feel alive.

I wish I can say some nerve pulsing sports but I am boring and reading books makes me feel alive.As my favorite Stephing King says, 

“ I take a book with me everywhere I go,and find there are all sorts of opportunities to dip in.The trick is to teach yourself to read in small sips as well as in long swallows.”

I also read it somewhere that you have to reread your favorite books annually.The book did not change but your perspective might.This year,on my birthday week I started that tradition.I reread What I know For sure gifted by Ota from 2019. And read Maktub by Paulo Coelho from Mark.I feel like its a sequel of my younger self favorite,The Alchemist.

This is timeless and stays true through the years.This line still resonates to me the most from What I know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey:

“Delight in the Lord-in goodness,kindness,compassion,love— and see what happens.I dare you.”

Maybe,this is the reason why adults don’t usually take a nap in the afternoon because they stay late at night with their thoughts.As for me,I am throwing them all here!

Mantra for this year is:

Plans:Private

Moves:Silent

Life:Low-key

Prayers:Loud

Thank you Lord for sustaining me and surrounding me with people who greets me on my birthday!Bless their hearts!🤍

 

Letter for Chase

                                                                                                                       08/22/20 02:45

Dearest Chase,

At this time, I put your blanket back as you are sleeping soundly and swerving at 360 in our bed. Totoo pala talaga yung sabi nila na"the days are long but the years are short." You are just a month shy on being ONE!I just spent my days-off if not playing with you,I'm scrolling over pinterest  for your birthday photo shoot and the perfect birthday cake!Its one of my simple pleasures..freezing time by snapping pictures of you!! And our favorite we-time is to look over your baby pictures on dadude's  phone..and feel amazed on how our helpless and hairless baby turned out to be wildly walking around the house. This past month  was special but quite a blur. Pag gising namin,naglalakad ka na!! Kidding aside, payatot ka man sa paningin ng iba,nonetheless you are strong and clever and a fast learner too!You still fall down  but you always get back up again!That makes me a proud mama! 

You are finally eating well.Right now,you love butternut squash, kamote and your Mommy Dei's lugaw which I tried to copy!Sabi ng Mama Bing mo,magaling na daw ba ako magluto ngayon?I am a trying hard copy cat on all the baby food recipes just for you! In spite of giving me mini heart attacks every time you choke,you make me a better person  and a better cook!

You sleep well on nights already.I wish I can sleep with you every night but Mama needs to be a night labrat!Nevertheless,I always make the most of it whenever I'm home!I love it when you give me stare of wonder as we pray before you sleep and put your hands together as we say Amen.I love to say that you are a bookworm too who loves story time  but you also love to tear the pages down when you got bored.Just like your dad,you are fond on kalikot-ing things(is there an english term on this,teach me when you grow up!haha)You always have time to go under the computer chair and roll its wheels or topple down your red car and play with the wheels!

You love to laugh.Your favorite this time around is coming to my rescue while running and giggling towards me as daddy  tried to chase after you!Its priceless!And of course, you love to be superman..blame it to Tita Weng!From there on ,you love to be carried high,swing and  fly like superman!So yes,I dressed you up as SUPERMAN as you turned 11 months old.My everly-smiley-wild child,the joy you give us,just like you,grows everyday!

I love you (quite literally) to-the-moon-and back!

Lots of pagmamahal,

Mama